GOP Health Care Genius: Those With Pre-Existing Conditions Allowed to Un-Exist

(Washington, D.C.)  Striking back at Dumbocrat criticism that their new health care bill will harm millions of Americans with pre-existing conditions, Republicans today noted the bill will actually lower the number of Americans with pre-existing conditions by allowing them to un-exist.

"It's really a genius move," House Republican Mark Meadows of North Carolina said. "Obamacare tried to help those with pre-existing conditions, but did nothing to actually lower their number. This bill will significantly and rapidly lower the number of Americans with pre-existing conditions by transferring them to a new category of in-exsistence that costs the taxpayers nothing. You're welcome," he said.

Speaker of the House, Paul Ryan agreed. "Up until this point, no one's been able to deal with the problem of what to do with folks who are already sick. It was a real bugaboo, I tell ya. But, then it hit me, 'Why not just move them out of that category to a less expensive one?' When that light bulb went on, I was like, 'Wow, I think we may have it here, boys.'"

The last image Americans with pre-existing conditions may see when transitioning to un-existing. House Speaker Paul Ryan.

House Republicans passed the new American Health Care Act 217 - 213 this week in a move designed to undo the harsh and unAmerican effects of ObummerCare, which had the undesirable consequence of granting health insurance to people who were too poor to afford it. 

"If you can't afford a doctor, you don't get a doctor. The Founding Fathers said that, believe me." President Donald Trump said from the White House. "That's just history. Everybody knows that."

Republicans also noted another advantage to moving poor people to the category of non-existence. "Most of those people vote Democrat," Ryan said chuckling, "but, if you don't exist, you don't vote."