Trump Working Through Shutdown To Find Out Why Hat Not Red

“Trump hat red,” the President said. “This hat white.”

(Washington, D.C.)  President Trump worked through the government shutdown today attempting to find out why his red hat is not.

”It’s white,” the President said into his phone in hopes there was someone on the other end that could help. “Trump hat red,” he said before hanging up. White House Chief Of Staff, John Kelly confirmed the news. “The hat President Trump was wearing today was white, not red, as he prefers. As a result, he will work tirelessly to find out why,” he said.

”Trump hat red,” the President said opening a drawer on the left side of his desk and yelling into it. “Trump hat red. This hat white.” The President had hoped to wear his red hat at a celebration dinner at his Florida home Mar-A-Lago, but with the DUMBocrats shutting down the government in support of brown foreigners and against heroic American soldiers who they want to starve to death, the President bravely decided to stay in D.C. and work.

”Trump hat red. This hat white,” he said to the George Washington portrait hanging on the wall in the Oval Office. It did not respond. “Trump hat red! Trump hat red! Trump hat red!” he yelled at the canvas image of our first president who remained stoic.

Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee-Sanders confirmed the President’s commitment to getting to the bottom of red hat, white hat controversy. “The President is, and always has been, all about having a red hat. And this hat, as we can see, is not red, but white. The President’s position has always been that hats are red, and Cabinet members are white,” she said.